Fuck positive. Fuck it. When you know that next two and maybe half of a week will look like this - since 8 a.m. , until late hours you are out, when you come back you have to study, then the weekend comes and you have to work either late or get up early and be almost unconscious all day. When you hear that you were that close, really fucking close to doing almost not at all and if this is not a first time. Hell, this is not even a fifth time. It always repeats. Your colleague gets super cool carer of practice and yours told you to do everything, EVERYTHING, without even allowing you to say anything, you have a freaking right to be angry. Or sad. In my case, to cry and smoke. Would it hurt ANYONE if for once I had better than someone else? Especially that I have to work, so my any sense of free time is very limited. I'm on a half way, it would be stupid to end it now. But I don't see myself belonging there. I don't see myself belonging anywhere. It's a fucking bad day. Fucking bad. And it will be for the rest of the month probably.
PS. Oh, I almost forgot - next Monday I have to "entertain" kids who are in the 6th Grade, they have sport profile and are hard and probably do not have problems with talking back all by myself. Great. What I am suppose to do? For 2 hours talking with them about self-assertion or healthy life style or what? I wanna die.